“Man Up Bro!”, “Don’t be a girl”, and “He’s a mumma’s boy”, are some of the phrases we all have grown up with. Going through an emotional anxiety upsurge recently and my inability to share it with my colleagues, friends and family, got me to realise that we actually never had emotional conversations with any of my guys around me. Wondering how weird it is that we discuss the most important things like politics, money, jobs, business, food and even family sometimes, but not our own mental health ever. The ones who do that are considered to be the weakest in the group, we even tag them with different names sometimes. Most men don’t even consider mental health as an issue, they still don’t believe that it’s true that even men go through chronic depression or anxiety.
As a social work student, I often came across the theory of social conditioning which suggests that a human being is conditioned according to the beliefs, norms, values and expectations of the society. This would mean that we had very little or rather no say in the way we were programmed to function in the society and that is what we pass on to the next generation as well. Right at the beginning of his childhood, a boy reports everything to his best friend which is his mom, but as and when he grows up, sharing things with his mom is considered to be a weak trait by the society. We still find it easier to share it with our mom, however, it is extremely difficult for a guy to share his weak emotions with his dad. The sole reason behind that is because a male passes on his masculinity or rather the idea of masculinity to his son as well, he trains, treats and punishes like an army brat. The son is expected to be tough, bear the responsibility of his home, and wear the hat of “the men of the family” as soon as he graduates. It is often presumed that the more he struggles through hardships in his life, the more he will come closer to these goals.
Well is that true? Is that really happening? The truth is that 1 in 10 men experience depression and anxiety but less than 50% seek treatment. Men account for 75% of all suicides in many countries (WHO), in fact, they are three to four times more likely to commit suicide than women. These statistics reveal that there is a tender wound lying under the layers of masculinity, which has been ignored for years let alone be treated. Even if we are being socially conditioned in the right way, then why is it that one of the members of the Royal family of the UK, Prince Harry been so vocal about his own experiences with therapy, why is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, an epitome of physical masculinity suffering from depression. These examples serve as a testament to the fact that men feel the pain inside their bodies, mind and soul just like every other human being on this planet. There are no exceptions to these rising mental health problems of the 21st century.
It is time for us to bring a paradigm shift in the way we treat them and raise them in the society. It is time for us to have open conversations with our male colleagues, our sons, our fathers, and our male friends and let them know that it is completely normal to talk about a bad day at the office, to talk about a trauma they went through, to narrate their stories of being bullied in college and how it affected them, to cry when they feel like and to take a break whenever they feel low. It is all the more important to listen to these stories and experiences without any judgement, to make them feel comfortable in moments of vulnerability and to embrace them when they come out in the open.
I support Mental Health conversations for men, do you…………?
Reach out to a male friend today and ask them how they’re really doing.
Happy International Men’s Day!
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